RIP little Tayda

[Tayda_Lenny]

Hi everyone, I had to let Tayda go today.

She was the model Fanconi patient but she's been declining for the last year (probably more like 2 years if I'm honest with myself). I've been struggling for a long time trying to balance her quality of life with my want to have her around. Then she had a seizure last night. First time ever. It was scary and awful. It lasted a minute or two. When I realized it was happening I just sat down on the floor with her petting her telling her it was going to be okay. She was foaming at the mouth and drooling. it was awful awful awful. I have read that low potassium can be a cause for seizures so I took her downstairs after she stopped seizing to give her a potassium pill, in case that was the reason. As I was carrying her she was very limp and her head was droopy. I actually checked to see if she was breathing, to make sure she was still alive. I put her down to get the pill ready and she just laid on her side very limp. She didn't seem able to stand - I tried to put her on her feet and she just swayed sideways - her legs obviously were not going to support her. I gave her the pill and just held her in my arms hoping she would come out of her daze. After a few minutes she seemed a bit more stable, so I took her outside so she could pee. Normally after she pees she comes straight in, but this time she was wandering around outside in the snow all confused. She was kind of walking around aimlessly and bumped into the side of the steps so I went down, picked her up and brought her in the house. She continued to walk around aimlessly like she was confused and maybe couldn't see. She bumped into a few things. I picked her up and placed her in front of the water bowl and she wobbled a bit and then started drinking. Over the next few minutes she seemed to be able to reorient herself a little, I think, though I carried her back up the stairs to the bedroom. She slept for the rest of the night without any issue and in the morning she was seemingly unaffected. However, I had made my decision already that it was time to let her go.

I took the day off work today and spent it with her and Lenny. We had a nice day. Fed her all kinds of forbidden stuff (yummy high protein stuff she has not been able to have in years due to her kidneys) and cuddled on the couch. Lenny probably gained a pound today also with all the treats. She was happy all day and that makes me happy. It's just how a farewell day should be.

The experience at the vet was not what I wanted, but she did not suffer. I asked them to give her the catheter, bring her back to me, and then give her a sedative before injecting the stuff that would knock her out. When they took her back, I heard her scream - that was awful. I thought it was when they put the needle in (even though she has gotten blood drawn many many times without a peep) but when she came back the tech said she just screamed when nothing was happening. She has done that with my husband many times. I guess it's a nervous thing. She's been doing it for a while. When they brought her back to me, I started feeding her treats and while she was eating them I could see she was getting drowsy. I asked why. They said they had already given her a little bit of sedative. I got upset and told them they weren't supposed to do that until I was ready. He "reversed" it, whatever that means and she perked up a bit, but probably only about 80%. I spent a few minutes with her and it seemed the catheter was a little uncomfortable for her so I gave them permission to inject the other stuff. She went limp very quickly.

I'm trying not to be "angry" about it, but I am. It sucks that there was confusion at the end and I spent that last few minutes wondering "WHY IS SHE ACTING LIKE THIS, IS SHE OKAY???" It was just unnecessary stress on me and I just feel like my last few moments with her (alert) were rushed and kind of stolen? They kept telling me to take as much time as I needed - what did they mean, afterward? Wouldn't I want to take that time BEFORE they made her drowsy and could no longer respond to me???? Ugh?. She was obviously not stressed and she did not suffer, that's the most important thing. What i have to remember is the whole day we spent on the (forbidden) couch eating (forbidden) food and all the cuddling. Those are the moments I'm going to remember. Not the 5 minutes at the vet before she passed. It sucks, but it won't do any good to be mad about it.

Lenny was there with me. He wasn't particularly interested in what was going on, but afterward I put her down on the bench and he sniffed her a few times, walked around the room, sniffed her a few more times, and that was it. He sat down with his back leaning against my back. He didn't whine on the way home or anything. When we got home he seemed calm. There was some food left in Tayda's bowl and I put it on the floor for him to eat. He sniffed it and walked away! He is acting off. Definitely not interested in the food we cooked in the kitchen. He went and stayed in the living room curled up in a dog bed. He NEVER leaves the kitchen when we're cooking.

So? I'm okay, I'm happy her last day was a good one, and she seemed normal - rather than rushing to the vet because she's in pain or already on her way out. Everything about today was perfect, except for the last 10 minutes. She doesn't have to take any more pills, be anxious in her crate, or be confused about where to pee anymore. I miss her already. It's so weird without her here. Even though she mostly just laid around - I walk around the peninsula in the kitchen and expect to see her laying there? I looked at the clock at pilling time and remembered I don't have to do that anymore. I wonder how long I'll continue to do that. Goodbye Tayda.

Thanks everyone for being here for me.

[krunzer]

I am sorry that your last few minutes with her weren't what you had wanted, but please don't dwell on it. Your experience reminds me of what we went through last May with our Toller. Just remember that you helped her from her suffering in this life and she is a very happy puppy on the other side. I am deeply saddened by your loss, actually crying, I haven't done that in a while. It is so hard to let them go but know that you did the best for her and provided her the best life you possibly could have. I know these words are just words not a substitute for her loss, but hugs to you and your family through this most difficult time.

[agilebasenji]

I am so sorry. it's never long enough, but it certainly sounds like she was ready.

[eeeefarm]

I'm sorry for your loss. Time is the only thing that will heal your pain. But you know you did what was best for her….

[ownedbyspencer]

I'm so sorry to hear about Tayda. My Spencer's Fanconi progression was just like Tayda's. He had seizures at the end, too, exactly as you described. You spared her suffering and let her go while she was still able to have a perfect last day. That is a compassionate way to honor and remember a beloved dog who had been through so much. You cared for her lovingly and released her with dignity. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Sending healing thoughts to you…

[tanza]

So Sorry, but she is free now…... hugs

[Tayda_Lenny]

Thanks everyone. It was very hard, but I was sure it was the right thing to do. I loved her enough to let her go with some dignity….. the seizure was just too much. I could not chance that it would happen again without us there.

[Rivermoon]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I am glad that you and Tayda had a wonderful last day..I wish things had gone better at the vet. Hold on to those precious last memories, the wonderful years you had and the knowledge that you did so much for her.

Having a Fanconi dog is such an emotional roller coaster…I can only hope that when Apache's time comes, I have the courage you did.

Run Free Tayda.......

[Duke]

Oh my God…I can't stop crying. Love has no perfect ending. It gave you the strength to give her a day to enjoy things she loved. Your heart will mend in time - Lenny will help you through. Run free little Tayda...

[Kananga]

So sorry to hear. You definitely did the right thing from my prospective. It's way too difficult (for everyone involved) to watch them suffer. You chose quality over quantity, which I think we can all agree is the better approach.

[MacPack]

Michelle, you did a very hard thing perfectly. Spending a wonderful, fun, yummy day devoted to Tayda, taking Lenny with you so he knows she is gone and won't be searching for her, giving her calm, loving dignity and avoiding suffering…all so well done. You avoided the terrible guilt of knowing you kept her too long, out of selfishness (been there, done that, too many times) and showed her unselfish love right to the very peaceful end. Big hugs, you kept her going and gave her a wonderful life. May Fanconi soon be wiped out forever.

[stash]

Very sad to hear of your experience, brings back memories of my last dog passing. He also had a seizure but then he had them one after the other and it was heart breaking so you definitely did the right thing at the right time, we also didn't realise the vet(emergency vet) had given the final injection so we didn't really have a proper final goodbye, I can only be grateful he was incoherent as the seizures had taken their toll on him. We learn from our experiences and I know we won't let the same thing happen again. Time eases the guilt we feel and the happy memories will out shine the bad. All the best.

Jolanda and Kaiser

[tanza]

And to add, Thank "dog" we have the DNA test for Fanconi so that no more Basenjis need to suffer from this…. now to get everyone, regardless who they are, what they are breeding to test first is the challenge of every Basenji owner. You do not have to be a breeder to impress on everyone/anyone the importance of testing before breeding.

[Chealsie508]

I am so sorry to hear about Tayda. I've been following your posts on the difficult times you've been through with her and my heart sank to see this post. You've done the right thing by her. It's comforting to hear you spent one last day..the three of you doing special, memorable activities. I will think about you and Lenny as you grieve, and hope for peace and comfort to you both as you heal. Rest in peace Tayda- you fought with dignity, may you be remembered for the good times.

[QuizBasenji]

She was such a lucky dog to have you, and you to have her. {{Hugs for your and Lenny's loss}}

[wizard]

Sorry for your loss and sorry that the vet experience wasn't the best.

[Tayda_Lenny]

Thank you everyone for your support - It's so helpful to log on and see all these messages. We are doing okay. I miss her and still expect to see her lounging in her favorite places around the house. Lenny is also grieving - he is not being himself, it's quite sad to see. I've been bringing him to work with me so he doesn't have to be alone all day. We have a long weekend coming up so we'll work on leaving him for short periods of time. The good thing is I still feel 100% that it was the right decision - and I feel confident that she did not suffer. The vet stressed ME out, but Tayda did not suffer, and that's all that matters.

[curlytails]

Hugs… I'm late to this, but thank you for sharing those final moments in detail. It was very touching, as stressful as it seemed at the time. I'm very sorry for your loss. She is at peace now.

[dcmclcm4]

I am sorry for your loss and now she is no longer in pain. I am glad you were able to be with her on her last day. My Missy also with Fanconi developed seizures and it was due to a liver tumor. I was never able to do that with my other dogs and it was a great comfort to me to be able to do that with Missy as I held her while I sat in the backyard on the grass in the sunshine.

Jennifer

[nomrbddgs]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I definitely know how you feel right now.